My mother in law Kath was almost 92 and had spent the last 5 years in a home, and for the last two in a local one which was so handy for my hubby Ian to visit her several times a week. She unfortunately suffered badly from dementia and found life a little distressing as she couldnt really understand what was going on around her and became rather aggresive at times, so to be absolutely honest I think both my hubby and I have come to the conclusion that its a very happy release for her, but it doesnt stop us missing her and the person she was ten years ago, a loving and generous person who was lost to her dementia.
So now like me, my hubby and I are both orphans and its this that we find the most difficult to come to terms with as Im sure others in the same position will know what Im talking about, knowing we havent got a parent to turn to, to ask for their opinions and advice and I suspect they felt the same when their own parents died, maybe this sounds selfish but then when a person dies we do resent it and I suspect this is all a way of coming to terms with the loss.
37 comments:
You & your family are in my prayers.
So sorry to hear your news, as you say perhaps a blessed relief for her. My thoughts are with you and your husband xx
Shirley, my thoughts are with you and your husband at this sad, sad time.
Take care
Kat xxx
Hi Shirley,
So sorry to hear this,big hugs to both you & Ian at this sad time....Take care...
Mandy x
So sorry for your and Ian's loss Hun. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this difficult time. I've not yet lost a parent but I can just imagine that it must be one of the worst feelings in the world. Sending out HUGE cyber hugs to you Shirley. Lotsa luv, hugs xxxx
So very sorry to hear this,
my thoughts and prayers are with you through this sad time.
hugs
x
trudette
hiya sweetie
my symphatie sweetie for the lost of a dear one, for her it better this way, i dosen'd meen it painfull hunni, for you and your hubby and the rest of the family, give it a good place in your hearts
hugs angelique
Thinking of you at this sad time Shirley.xxx
Dear Shirley
herzl ROYAL condolences!
I'm sorry to read such a bad message!
It is very difficult to let go of a loved one!
I'm with you in mind!!
Hugs Gisela
I am so sorry for you and your husband's loss! I wish both of you the strenght to cope with this and you'll be in my thoughts. Hugs, Hanneke
Oh shirley you don't sound selfish at all, you are quite right that it is the ones left behind that do the suffering. try hard to think on the good times, I know its hard but whatever you feel don't feel you have to craft/post cards there are other more important things going on for you at the moment, we all understand and I especially would like to send you my best, thinking of you both lots. hugs heidi x
Keeping both you and hubby in my thoughts and prayers Shirley at this very sad time
big hugs
laney
I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss Shirley, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Kevin xx
Aww Shirley i'm so sorry for your loss will keep you both in my thoughts hun. take care luv gina xx
I am sorry to hear of your sad loss. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
Shirley,
She was certainly loved and will be missed- your words really took a hold of my heart. When I read that you will not have a parent to turn to for advice or help - my heart became so sad and burdened for you. I can only imagine how you are feeling, but please know I am sending loving prayers to you and your husband during this time.
Heather
So sorry to hear that Shirley. My thoughts are with you, your hubby and the rest of his family.
Thankfully I still have both my parents but I remember when my grandparents (on my mums side) died, her and her siblings found the fact that they were now orphans hard to deal with - even though they were all in their 40/50's. I suppose it's all part of the grieving process.
(((Hugs)))
Sheena
xxx
So sorry for your sad news Shirley we all need time to adjust am sure you will miss your visits to Kath hoping to see you soon dear blogging friend.
big squashy hugs Christine XXXX
So sorry for your loss, and the sadness of her last years. Thinking of you during your distressing time. Hugs lin
Sending you and Ian love and hugs Shirley, a very difficult time for you I know.
B x
Sending much love and many hugs to you and your hubby - hugs Aly xx
Oh Shirley I am so sorry to learn of yours and Ian's loss.
You don't sound selfish at all Shirley, I lost my dear dad 17 years ago tomorrow when I was only 25 and even now I miss my big strong dad like mad and have always envied friends who still have both their parents with them which makes me feel selfish.
You & Ian will have grieved 10 years ago for Kath when dementia changed her & now you are going through the same terrible emotions & feelings of loss again and my heart goes out to you both.
With love and hugs Mandy xx
Oh Shirley, I'm so sorry to read your sad news. I do know how you feel as both hubby and I have lost both parents each. I think the number of comments on here shows that you are loved by many and you will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers in these difficult days. xx
sending you a big hug- I'm thinking at you
Elma
Oh Shirley, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you and your husband at this sad time
Hugs
Clairexx
Oh Shirley,I'm so sorry to hear about your loss!
Both myparents are gone ,I m an orphan too I was only 41 then and now I'm 45.
Miss them so much!
You and your husband are in my thoughts!
Big hugs Heidy
So sorry to hear about your loss Shirley. I know exactly what you mean I still miss my Mum after 8 years of her passing.
Thinking of you both.
Pam x
No, what you said makes perfect sense, Shirley. After my hubby's parents both died he couldn't quite get over the fact that he was now an orphan. And being an only child he really felt the lack of "common experience". There was no one to call up and say, "Hey, you remember that summer we went such and such a place, do you remember the name of...." or even who is who in family albums. We lose a lot when our loved ones are no more.
I will be thinking of you and your dear hubby,Shiley.
Hi Shirley,
thinking of you and your family at these sad times, we know it comes to us all at some point but it is always so upsetting as you say it is a happy
release she is now at rest
hugs
Suzie Qx
Sending a big hug to you both!
Luv Jane XX
So sorry for your loss Shirley -you & your husband will be in my thoughts at this sad time. Recently becoming an orphan myself I totally understand your feelings xx
Hi Shirley
My heart and condolences go out to you both.
I am sure it is a happy release for your Mum in Law .. .. but as you say that doesn't make things any easier for you both.
I will be thinking of you.
Love and hugs
Jules xx
Hi Shirley, I realized once again not all. I'm very sorry, and I wish you much strength in the near future.
Hugs
Melodie
Love & Hugs to you & your family at this sad time Shirley.
Tracey
xx
So sorry to hear about your Mum-in-law Shirley..As you say it is probably the best think for her, as she is at peace with herself now..dementia is not pleasant, my dad had it and he was just not the same person..but it doesn't make it any easier for those left behind..sending big hugs to the both of you..
Marjorie
xx
So very sorry for your loss. You are quite right, losing a parent at any age is a very difficult stage in life, no matter your age. I think many people do not properly understand the emotions involved. I dread the day when my turn comes too, to pass this. Thoughts and prayers go out to you. xxx
Hi Shirley,
So sorry to hear this,big hugs to both you & Ian at this sad time....Take care...
Hugs and Kisses
Judith
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